Archit Tantia

I came across a super interesting Facebook group which is seriously one of the weirdest group I have ever seen anywhere. It’s called “Physics Doesn’t Exist, Its All Gnomes” and their group description is worth reading even if you don’t want to join it.

Here are a few things from the excerpt I liked:

We believe that all the main physics principles can be explained away by the existence of tiny gnomes.

Electricity:
Inside cables there are hundreds of tiny gnomes ‘high-fiving’ each other and running around swapping messages. This transfer of messages allows things to work, e.g. the gnomes in a plug socket tell the gnomes in the wire, who eventually tell the gnomes in (say) a kettle to fart in the water allowing it to boil.

Computers:
Computers are run by tiny gnomes. They do all the work sat at tiny desks inside your PC. When you turn it off they can all go home and have a rest before they are needed again. The screen is in fact an arrangement of gnomes wearing different colour hats.

Atoms:
Atoms are infact miniscule gnomes, all holding hands and feet etc together to form an intricate web from which nearly everything in this universe is comprised of. Radioactivity occurs when a rebel gnome is catapaulted by his freinds from their structure. Should this gnome come into contact with the gnomes from our body, he will offer them beer, thus making the local area benign or ‘cancerous’.

Gravity:
As we are all well aware gnomes like the ground. They all strive to be in the ground, and this is where the basic theory for gravity comes from. Gnomes throw tiny (obviously unseen to the human eye) ropes to the ground. These ropes attach to unseen hooks allowing the gnomes to pull themsleves towards the ground. There is minimal gravity away from bodies (e.g. in space) because very few gnomes have long enough ropes. All bodies have a gravitional attraction to each other because gnomes are sociable creatures and enjoy large gatherings.

Anti-matter:
Now this is a little more complicated. There are evil gnomes. These make up anti-matter. Done.

Gnomes:
So what are gnomes made up of themselves? They are surely not fundamental? They are comprised of billions of even smaller gnomes. These smaller gnomes are known as ‘Super-gnomes’. Super-gnomes are made up of billions of even smaller gnomes known as ‘Hyper-Gnomes’. Hyper-gnomes are the fundamental building block of everything.

Now that we have covered the basics of gnome theory we are going to discuss and ‘explain away’ certain physical phenomena.

Mobile Phones:
‘Scientists’ may try and fool you with talk of ‘waves’, but please dont believe these distacting and frankly stupid theories. Mobile phones are built (by gnomes) to incorporate a gnome catapault. These devices are worked by gnomes in your mobile phone (which coincidently is made up of gnomes) to fire their gnome freinds upwards when you place a call. The gnomes are fired into space where they land on ‘satellites’ (also made of gnomes). The gnome satillites then catapault seperate gnomes to the mobile you are trying to contact (if you are attempting to ‘connect’ with a land line the gnomes are fired at a landing station where they run and hi-five down wires to the other phone reciever). When the gnomes reach the reciever you are connecting with there is an exchange of messages, hi-fives and presents (the unwrapping is the crackle you hear). More catapaulting occurs back to the satilite and then to your phone. This process continues so that what you say is ‘transmitted’ to the other phone and vice-versa (the process is VERY quick, as these gnomes travel at the speed of light-gnomes). A call ‘breaks up’ or has no ‘signal’ when the presents exchanged are so good the gnomes dont bother coming back, but just sit and play.

Alcohol:
As all things are made of gnomes, it follows that even alcohol is made of gnomes. These are without doubt the rowdiest of all gnomes (except anti-gnomes). Alcohol gnomes divide into several groups. The first type look kindly and loving (which they indeed are) but have a stupendous sense of humour and love to play practical jokes. They will quickly travel to the brain gnomes upon arrival in the body and will wreak havoc with the head region; taking other gnomes clothes while they are in the shower, throwing eggs at nearby gnomes and the like. This causes the brain gnomes to become distracted, so the body doesnt work as efficiently as normal running. The senses become distorted (e.g. vision) and the human seems to think they are invincible, and the other sex is more attractive. Wine is mostly made up of these gnomes and Females are particularly succeptable to this type. The next type are Beer (subdivided into Ale and lager subspecies) gnomes. These gnomes produce similar effets to the wine gnomes (especially if mixed – gnomes love to party) but…(read the rest of the description on the Facebook Group)

Haha! The group’s creator really did some hard work writing the description of the group.